You know what really chafes my shithole

Vomitrons always chafe my effing shithole.

Vomitron - vom-i-tron (noun): One who projectile vomits with dangerous psi, accompanied by aggrandized cartoon like sound effects.

Necessary conditions: (1) Needs to be in public
(2) Easily accessible, and ignored bathroom
(3) Someone else's house

Example: Last weekend a close friend came to stay at my house. Needless to say we copiously indulge in alcohol and the accompanied side courses. Late night approaches and everyone makes there way back to my apartment. Fine, a great way to save money and keep the party going. After a few rounds and multiple sessions, my guest, who avoided his drunken alter ego referred to as Lionel Jenkins (the ignorant, racist, typical bar drunk defiant asshole), loses all pigment in his face and runs to the bathroom.

Minutes later he exits the bathroom as pale and uncomfortable as he entered. He slowly turns and sits on the couch; upon sitting, he says "I couldn't puke." He then slowly stands and bolts to the bathroom for a second chance. Not 2, not 4, but exactly 3 minutes later he returns with a look of complete satisfaction.

"You know what's really funny"? he says, "When you think you need to puke but you shit instead." Mid sentence he covers his mouth and with the most bitter cacophony projectile vomits over my entire living room.

Now, I am guilty of becoming Vomitron myself. Nonetheless, this shit always chafes my shithole.